So I've been wondering about a few things today. First off, how do toddlers know about this flop thing. Is it something they're born with or is it learned. Avi was never very good at it, but Itai has reached a level of proficiency that has become the envy of the neighborhood. Children come from blocks away to observe the tantrum master as he contorts his body into a unruly, unmanageable shape and weight. Avi didn't teach it to him so where did he get this from?
(This isn't one of my serious posts if you haven't noticed.)
Next up, the dining room floor. I'm so smart. I use breakfast time as a chance to clean up the front room. The boys love eating and would never bother undoing my cleaning while there is food on their trays. The front room was perfectly clean, maybe not perfectly clean, but a woman I work with told me that men don't really clean, so perfection is out of reach anyway right? Anyway, this morning Itai emphatically announced that breakfast was over by dumping the contents of Avi's cereal bowl all over the floor. Milk, Cap'n Crunch (or yellow cereal as it is known here) and Cocoa Puffs (brown ball cereal) were everywhere. Why Cap'n Crunch and Cocoa Puffs? Because not only am I an AWESOME dad, I'm also an excellent nutritionist. Does it make me sound better if I tell you they had clementines and apples first? Oh well.
So I clean up the floor and take the boys up for a bath. They loved their bath and were so cute and clean(because like I said, I'm an awesome dad.) Before I put Itai's diaper on he insisted on throwing some trash away. On his way back he stopped and peed on the exact spot the cereal bowl landed. Do toddlers mark their territory these days? If so I may be in trouble. After cleaning that spot twice the rest of the floor looked that much dirtier. So I sent the boys into the clean front room while I swept and mopped the kitchen and dinning room. Obviously, I don't understand the system the boys have set up with their toys. They went into the front room and immediately reorganized the toys back to the way they were. I can almost hear the thoughts: "Let's see, the car went in the corner. The guitar was over here and the bus with it's children and driver were all the way from the couch to the door. Baby Elmo? Oh yeah, he was right in front of the toy box...with all of the toys dumped out beneath him."
Oh well, maybe the house will be clean tomorrow. Not if my nemesis has anything to do with it. The laundry basket, the most evil, sadistic thing we own. It enjoys taunting me. No matter how many times I empty it it always seems to fill back up. Then it sits there, waiting to see how long it will take for me to fold all the clothes so we can restart our little dance.
While I'm complaining about possessions, why do I even own a scale? That thing hates me. Everyday I work hard to please it, think about every time I eat and visit it hoping for good news. How does it repay my total devotion? By rewarding me with bad news! Ok, scale I have some news for you. I'm going to eat a cup of ice cream with milk so that when I'm done with the ice cream I can drink the chocolate milk! You know what else? I'm going to enjoy it and I'm not going to care what you have to say tomorrow. Oh, and tell the laundry basket that all the clothes are going to be folded by the end of the night and it can expect to be full again tomorrow (it's been a busy underwear day, what can I say?)
Why do I bother? Maybe it's because even when Avi is inventing new messes, like potty body art (I'll spare you the details, but let's just say it's been a busy bath day too.) or even if Itai has decided that everything I just swept up looks better scattered across the floor again they're still the best boys on earth. Maybe it's because even on a snowy day like this when Debbie would rather be home drinking hot chocolate and playing with us she's working to keep us fed and in a house. Whatever the reason, tomorrow I'll probably end up vacuuming, sweeping and mopping again. I'll definitely have more underwear to wash and second baths to give.