Sad...Just Sad

Dear Food Court Chair,

While I appreciate your honesty, there are better ways than breaking to tell a person it is time to lose some weight. Next time you could try something more tactful, like creaking loudly or maybe even cracking, but when you break in front of the whole food court of Christmas shoppers it just leaves me feeling embarrassed.

I'm sorry if I hurt you,

Jared.

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Keeping the Faith

I told myself not to blog. I seem to be developing a healthy addiction. I tried to stop myself, but here I am, and since you're here now why not?

Overall I would say I'm a pretty positive person. I honestly do recognize that I have it pretty good. I have two of the best children on the planet. My wife is a ceaseless fountain of amazement and perseverance (luckily for me!), I have a job and school is going well. I know that God lives and His Son is my personal Redeemer. I live free in the wonderful country and no matter what foolishness I find myself in my friends and my family support me. So first off, Debbie, thank you for sticking with me despite my constant battling against the "injustices" I see around me. You must have some secret stash of patience to have put up with me for this long.

Despite all of the great things in my life my hope sometimes runs low. It is so hard to stay positive when looking at a denied stamp on the application that would give your son the services he needs. It is difficult to stay positive when your wife asks if it is really worth it to do work so hard and still be denied coverage that should be a essential right. It is difficult beyond word or measure to look at your beloved son and know that relief is within reach, but is beyond your grasp. This is just one of the reasons I'm convinced God cares about the suffering of parents; He's experienced it more deeply than I could begin to fathom. It is difficult to stay positive when all the right choices seem to bring all the wrong results. You see, today Debbie found out that the ABA treatment we desperately want for Avi will cost $880/month. I want to believe that something incredible can happen, but in the face of such opposition it strains my hope.

So, I cry and rant on the internet to an unknown audience. Well, unknown audience, do mind if I tell a little story? It was the end of the first miserable winter on my mission. Following two difficult companions and the last minute change that left me a junior companion again I was feeling pretty worn out. My companion and I had no investigators and no prospects. We didn't even know our area very well. One night after spending the whole day tracting in the rain we started home. We were both wet, but one of us was about to get a lot more wet. We didn't realize it, but no buses were running at that time of night and we had a long, rainy walk home. When a mini bus went speeding past us my companion turned to try and flag it down and, so doing, stepped into an open sewer grate with real raw sewage. I knew this would send him over the edge and the next day would be difficult to get him out of the apartment. I was feeling pretty down (though he was probably feeling worse) as we made our way to the bridge and eventually home. But I still remember on the back roads of a tiny area of a small town in the middle of one of the most insignificant countries in the world I felt comforted. The words of the hymn When Faith Endures came flooding my mind and warming my heart. I often reflected on them throughout the most difficult times on my mission. Those of you with your speakers on are listening to my favorite version of this hymn.

So this morning as I sit feeling beleaguered by hopelessness I try to remember that I will not doubt, I will not fear. No matter how the rain may pour or how insignificant the road I walk, God's love and strength are always near.

Thanks for reading this far, maybe you'll read a little further? I honestly feel better knowing, or perhaps believing that eventually you will be reading this. And despite the fact that you aren't here right now, you strengthen me. Thank you for checking in on me. Honestly, I feel better. If you feel so inclined, maybe you could leave a quick note about how you renew your hope. Really, I feel much better now. Yes, I cried. I've recently decided I don't care who thinks it's not masculine, I'll cry when I feel like it! I'm just curious about you.

Adventures in Pottydom

Potty training is going pretty well. Debbie decided that he needs to wear just his underwear no matter what happens. This experiment has only been going for this week, but Avi is already making great progress. He is coming home with dry diapers and waking up dry. He still has a few struggles with it, but overall he's doing great. Today has been an interesting day with potty time.

Avi's major struggle is...um, number two. I guess that's a nice way of saying it. Anyway, he doesn't like to do it unless he's standing up in a room separated from everyone else. This change has been difficult for him, but he's coping with it. His favorite coping mechanism is sneaking off and doing it in his underwear before we catch him. That's what he did today, only this time I caught him before he could really get started. I put him on his potty to finish up. Itai can't help but follow Avi everywhere he goes but this one was messy! It was really difficult trying to clean him up and keep Itai at bay in that tiny room so I kicked Itai out. I could hear him bumping into the door trying to get it open. Luckily for me he hasn't figure out the lock yet! Suddenly I couldn't hear him anymore. I didn't think about until I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I glanced over and saw four little fingers under the door wrapped around the pacifier that lie on our side of the door. Poor little Itai was struggling like crazy to get it under the door.

During dinner tonight Avi suddenly stood up and started walking away saying he was all done. Debbie asked what else he wanted. As he ran off he shouted, "Orange!"
I peeled an orange for him but wanted to wait until Itai finished eating to bring it out. Itai sat eating while Avi played in his tent. When he finished up I brought out the orange and gave him his part. I noticed Avi had rearranged the furniture in the tent. Weird, I thought. When he came towards me I noticed he was wet. Grrrrr. Oh well, clothes off and back on the potty. Then I had to go find out what part of the house was wet. First stop: the tent. Suddenly I realized why he had rearranged the furniture. When I lifted his little couch I found his hidden secret. That sneaky little boy has learned to cover his tracks!

So while I'm busy getting this cleaned up and Avi on his potty Itai was packing a secret of his own, a REALLY messy diaper. I didn't notice until the bath was full and I pulled his diaper off. Silly me, I thought four dirty diapers in one day were enough. And while we're on the subject, I don't remember feeding him grass so what was all that green stuff in his diaper? Ok, back to the story...the wipes were downstairs so I had to run him down to clean him up while he screamed about being taken away from the tub. I finally got everyone clean, dry and Itai covered in Desitin.

I'm not sure how these boys plan these things. Some sort of telepathic trouble making talent? However they plan this out they make life an adventure! Oh and what an adventure! By the way, does Desitin make me smell like less of a man? :) I actually kinda like the smell.

Little Shopper

This is my first and probably last, "look at this deal" post, but I had to show off. :)

Avi owed Itai a Christmas present so we went to Kohl's to shop. One of the reasons we stopped there was because on Black Friday I did some shopping and received ten Kohl's bucks back. I'd love to tell you what I bought, but there is a chance Debbie will take a look at this so I can't give away any secrets. I will say I saved plenty on her gifts as well. Sorry Debbie, you'll have to wait until Christmas.

As soon as we arrived at the toys both boys went wild! Itai was trying to open packages and Avi was pulling everything he could reach off of the racks. Luckily for us we weren't thrown out of the store for looting! All of the toys were 40%-60% off so we had a lot of looking to do. While the boys were attacking the toys "Avi" was able to find two toys for Avi: a rumble truck and an Elmo bath toy.

Total price after the Kohl's bucks? $1.47! Good shopping Avi!

My New Decision

I cannot remember a time when people weren't asking about my eyes or making fun of them. I have had the lovely nicknames of ching chong, I think I'm turning Japanese (too long to stick), Chinese devil, white ninja and Chwexican (that's Chinese-White-Mexican). There maybe more but these are the ones that stuck out.

A few weeks ago yet another patient asked me what my "nationality." While I thought about saying American and not paying attention to here thinly veiled attempt to find out if I'm Asian or not, but I decided to give her the information she was looking for. I told her that my family is a mix of just about anything you could think of, everything except Asian. She did not believe me, so she asked, "No Asian at all? Are you sure?"

Other than being a little annoyed with the stupid way she asked I told her that I am mostly German. She responded by shouting, "German? German? They don't have eyes like that!" She said this so loudly that the nurses at the station begin to look in.

I start blushing a bit with frustration and embarrassment. I finish my test and leave, handing the EKG to the nurse who is looking at my eyes trying to decide if I really am Asian or not.

So after this I decided that I'll have to get some plastic surgery to correct my eyes, just to keep people from asking me what my nationality is.

That plan seemed good until last night. I did an EKG on an older, very angry lady. As soon as I stepped into the room she looked at me and asked, "Why do you shave your head?"

This question comes up at work nearly as much as the eye question. Apparently, my bald head is very offensive to the older population. Then I realized, I can get my eyes changed, but then what? Hair plugs? That doesn't sound very appealing. I could try a toupee with scalp snaps like my grandpa, but that sounds painful. Then there is my nose, not many people ask about it, but how would they ask that? Are you related to an elephant? How about my Adam's apple? Would I have to get corrective surgery to fix that too?

So I decided it's much cheaper to just put up with the questions about my eyes and head and see what kind of creative nicknames people come up with.

He Makes Me Smile, Too

The other day Avi's bus pulled up to the house and I went out to meet him. Avi came bounding to me smiling. The driver told me as they pulled up Avi looked over and said, "Avi house!"

As we walked inside I asked him where he was and he excitedly said, "Avi house!" I thought about it and I realized that he really does believe this is his house and he really does rule the roost. What? You need proof? Well, I just happen to have some!

While this one is true of just about anywhere Avi goes it is especially true of him at home. If you have a plate or bowl or even a handful of food you can bet that it won't take Avi long to come over and carefully investigate. Then he'll probably get a little closer, maybe even lean on your legs and eventually steal something from you when your guard is down. Chips and cereal are particularly vulnerable, but if you come to visit don't leave your drink, desert items, sandwiches or fruit unattended long.

Exhibit B: We cannot forget that Avi has two beds in the house. Normally he sleeps in his own bed, but sometimes he will climb into our bed or will stand there staring at us until we pick him up (that can be kinda scary to wake up and see) and let him in our bed. This is where he establishes his dominance. He finds a nice comfy spot right in the middle of the bed. Once we're all settled he will suddenly push his butt out forcing Debbie to scoot closer to the edge of the bed. Then suddenly he'll slide his head into mine. Once I've moved away from his battering ram head he strikes with his next weapon: tiny feet of fury. His feet always seem to land in the right spot to make me get as far away from him as quickly as possible. Thus, having won the majority of the bed, he stretches in every direction and enjoys his prize.


Of course, there's the toys in every room of the house, item after item purchased to serve some therapeutic purpose and enough Little Einstein's paraphernalia to start some sort of cult. But wait there's more!

Sometimes while exploring every inch of our little home Avi is overcome with love for someone. This comes suddenly, almost explosively. This may result in his strange, yet affectionate butt kiss. Yes, he really runs up from behind me and kisses my butt or thigh. I can't wait until this little phase is past! I guess I should consider myself lucky; Itai has it far worse than I. Avi will be playing near him and suddenly feel a great swell of affection and before Itai knows what is happening to him he is wrapped up in a monster bear hug so huge that it inevitably takes them both to the floor. That's right, the rare tackle hug. Then when he has Itai pinned down he squeezes him and mashes his face onto Itai's. Most of the time Itai laughs his head off, but sometimes, like when they don't land on carpet, he doesn't think it is so funny.

The last piece of evidence for now is he owns all of the clothes in the house. He will take our shoes, jackets, hats and whatever else he can get his hands on. He loves parading around in our shoes smiling the whole time. Is he smiling because he thinks it looks funny? Because he knows likes the feel of over sized clothes? Maybe. Or maybe it's because he knows that the world is his oyster, or our house at least.

Yes, we live in "Avi House" and we love it!